What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize
