OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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