He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Rumble strips road head = magical
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
