i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
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