That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
