the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
