Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
