If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
