just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
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