it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
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