The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
I understand Curling. That high.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Randomize