ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Is it penis luge time yet?
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I need to sanitize my soul.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
