This dress was meant to end up on your floor
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
