I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Randomize