Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
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