I heard we made out
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
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