I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Randomize
