You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
