Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Randomize
