this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Randomize
