Dual....:-)
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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