I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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