Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
