bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
