Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
