I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
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