My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
if only i could text you this smell
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
