I am puke
I wish I only lived at night.
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
We need to get me chipped asap
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Randomize
