he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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