It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
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