I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
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