I want to stick my p in your. b.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
And the cops told us we were all naked.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
