I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
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