he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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