They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
