ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
