Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
