She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
I wish you could order shots online.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
tell me about the eggs
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
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