I want to stick my p in your. b.
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize