SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
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