Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
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