ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
