i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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