your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
