i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
