I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Randomize