This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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