I must be too annoying 4 u.
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
