how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Randomize
