I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
