If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
