This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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