Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Randomize
