Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
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