how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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