At least make sure they are 18
Why
we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Randomize
