And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Randomize
