i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
