i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
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