I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Is it because I queefed?
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
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