Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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