well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
