he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
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