I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
