Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Randomize
