Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
