I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Randomize
