the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I am available for nakedness
Randomize
