I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize