pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
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