Pants 0. Shit 1.
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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