Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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