I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
I intend to get homeless drunk
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Randomize
