you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize