So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
