just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
