Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
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