Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Randomize
