I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Randomize
