im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize