I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
You were trust falling into bushes
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
