i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Randomize