I wanna passion pit in your ass
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
you have to choose: penises or morals?
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
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