Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
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