ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
