Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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