She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
she woke up with a sticky ear
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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