Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
