Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Randomize
