I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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