I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
