if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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