dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
