thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Randomize
