I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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