Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
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