Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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