absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
As shirtless as possible
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
