i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
