it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Randomize
